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How do we improve our intellectual connection

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late 23, 2015 8:13 PM join up

I'm dating a man who is my kindred spirit in several ways. however,within the other hand, were dating for a year now, And I have felt over most of this time a sense of yearning for challenging conversation that I just don't get with him. How have you seen people develop their critical entertaining the idea of, Abstract thinking, And complex verbal terms abilities as adults? on the other hand, If you have found happiness being with someone with whom you have to an intellectual connection, How have you managed with this on an everyday basis?

I'm a 31 year old woman dating a 27 year old man who is my kindred spirit in many ways. then again, we've been dating for a year now, And I have felt over most of this time a sense of yearning for dynamic, Challenging the discussion that I just don't get with him. What's kept us together and happy for much of this year is that we can both be abnormally playful together. We are very good for "openness" And trustworthiness scales, We both have strong work ethics. He is my superior in taking pleasure in gratitude and delight in small things, And is an endlessly kind, your clientele, kind, adventurous type, slim man.

He's a fulfilling surgery resident, So he has intellectual strengths particular to his field of study, But I suspect due to his parental input within a strict fundamentalist Baptist family, He has had more limited opportunity to acquire critical thinking skills and knowledge of history, societies, brochures, therefore forth. He is also as you would expect more oriented toward "working on" And less toward crafting his inner world. He is a superb rock climber, And a young boy, He loved to make art for the proficient, Hands on elements of art, Not usually the philosophical, spiritual, and more. I'm your jewelry of a liberal arts education, And I find deep fulfillment in the joy of ideas, In the quest for novel truths and beauty. He agrees that I am more versed in the sort of thinking, And has told me repeatedly that he would want to develop this side of him. He has expressed unequivocal enthusiasm the many times I've asked whether he wouldn't be happier focusing on his natural passions.

I've read two brilliant threads associated with this topic on MetaFilter (one, two); I've read steve Burns' "Feeling Good every other, I've been to over ninety days of individual therapy to address this; We've completed two months of couples therapy; I've gotten him a primer on critical convinced that he's working through; I've written four pages on general principles of perceptive connection. I've considered and tried to challenge whether my self identity is too enclosed in being "An rational, I've considered not expecting cerebral challenge from him and looking for it elsewhere. But what kills me is that I don't turn to him to share ideas I find exciting and significant, The way I do with others I consider my closest friends. We also have friction over everyday things because I'm neurotically logical, stringent, And correct in how I think and express myself, Whereas he is very imprecise and can skip steps. This has been a problem that some of his studying doctors have called out at times.

When we have tried to have substantive interactions, He has to put in a lot of effort expressing himself, And his ideas on these subjects can be surface level or logically unsound. I find myself trying to guide him via Socratic thinking about and clarifying/re stating his thoughts for him, And while this used to be enjoyable somewhat, It's now a cause for discontent and a sense of disconnect.i just: "I'm not sure if I would want to train my baby to sleep during the night by letting it cry itself to sleep, Or stimulating it back to sleep when it cries,

which is why he: "when i babies are manipulative, And if you feed them whenever they cry, They'd take full advantage of that. they can grow into deceptive kids if you let them have their way as a baby,

my spouse and i: "just how could you mean by manipulative? this kind of, A baby has the ability to determine its ideal feeding schedule, And on purpose modulate its behavior to get what it wants? when would a baby be able to do this,

the person: "I just result in babies are manipulative. i don't know what age, identically. is definitely not I being clear,

We had to talk about this for over an hour before we got in a nearby of an understanding, And I still don't entirely understand he justifies his views, Except he states his dad, A fundamentalist dean jerrod, supports the view that humans are born immoral. Although do I ever have anything if it's all going to end when I die? I think that at this stage in my life, As a young man and wanting to have so much more, I need for there to be an afterlife, as opposed to when I'm old and senile, I wouldn't mind dying as much and would be more okay with the idea that there's no afterlife,

My use: I found his answer complex. It skims over ill composed ideas. He starts by saying he'd appreciate after more if he knew life ends at death. He then overturns this thought and questions on line casinos of life if it ends with death. He then reflects on how quantity of experience and soundness of mind could affect how he would view death and his desires for an afterlife. I'm left loss of an answer to my original question, And ill composed threads to parse out, which would be okay, apart from my follow up questions receive answers that are similarly disjointed.

Example of a discussion he finds hard to follow:

one: "My friend said she has a theory that AI researchers try to program AI that are as humanlike as possible due to a depths of the mind, Narcissistic impulse to create something in their own personal likeness, Even if their explicitly stated purpose is to build a humanlike AI for functional reasons,

what went down: He asked me to repeat this sentence repeatedly, Told me it was unpractical with big words, anf the husband was more used to short, Declarative sentences. I find it informative that he can read and retain very dry, impractical medical literature with nested clauses for hours, But finds the AI sentence time consuming.

In case you're struggling with about his stance on all this, He is your patients, Egoless, And resolute in wanting to function with this, But also annoyed and sad sometimes. He feels like I don't recognize the merits of what he does bring to our discussions. He's aware about this thread and is curious how MeFi will respond.

My questions to this community are, How have you seen people develop their critical opinion, Abstract reasoning, And complex verbal terms abilities as adults? What have they done growing these faculties? Is this which takes years to develop (As they have used for me), Or is there some form of fast track option?

on the other hand, I know that my focus on intellectual connection could be seen as shallow, preventable, therefore on, But I don't know what other paradigm is feasible for me. The difference between my boyfriend and me is not around hobbies or topical and vocational expertise, It's like we see different dimensions when we check out world. If you have found happiness being with someone with whom you certainly an intellectual connection, How have you managed this on a regular, Nuts and mounting bolts basis? What do you speak about? How have you framed this in convinced ways? How maybe you've shifted your paradigm?

Posted by forasong to Human relations (88 responds total) 25 users marked this as a favourite

certain, But I don't think it can really be you. I've totally seen friends grow in this way, But the way I know how to takes a long time and lots of gently mocking superficial thinking. a number of "okay, Lets say your idea. How would that are good? lovely result in <Other>detrimental thing?]"

trouble kind of is that sets up a condescending kind of smart/dumb, Professor/student, Parent/child dynamic that really isn't great in a special connection. I spent years annoyed being 12 years younger. She wasn't mean concerning this, But the overlooked "easily, if you're older and wiser you'll see" Thing was rough as word spread. Maybe he's got qualities you admire and wish you had, And you could trade off feeling weak?

And nothing at all is wrong with having friends for that, And just accepting your BF for the items do love about him, Which i am sure are many.

publicised by ctmf at 8:41 PM on nov 23, 2015 <> faves]

Whew. It feels like this is probably sort of exhausting for him, And I'm amazed he is not insulted, As it feels like you're intimating that he's intellectually your inferior. It's not actually all that uncommon if you are in medicine, especially in highly technical forms like surgery, To be more concrete thinkers <a href=http://charmingdate.overblog.com/>charmdate scam</a> and have greater plus points at systematization than at blue sky type thinking. It often does not sound as though there's much wrong with him; He's likely think again your inferior, And it's likely you would make a terrible surgeon.

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